Tuesdays are the worst.
Sure, everyone and their favorite orange cat hates Mondays. But Tuesdays are the real threat here. No one suspects a Tuesday, which makes them all the more insidious. They’re like the sneaker wave of the workweek, the disproportionately shitty weekday that appears without warning, catching workers unawares and washing them out to Wednesday and beyond.
Here’s how I see it: Mondays are like getting punched in the face. You don’t see them coming and you have very little time to react. There’s a response delay to a Monday – by the time you’ve realized what’s happened, it’s over. You’re in shock. The pain hasn’t set in yet.
But Tuesday, oh, Tuesday. Tuesday is when you look down and realize there’s blood on your shirt and your nose is out of joint. Your jaw hurts and your head throbs and you realize you’re lying on the floor surrounded by everyone who saw Monday’s facepunch go down. Wednesday was the closest and is trying to convince you to take off work and go to the hospital, Thursday was walking by in the hallway and just stopped to make fun of you, and Friday is nowhere to be found.
Tuesday, my old nemesis. From now on, let’s all greet Tuesday with suspicion, a well-stocked supply of whiskey, and a hockey mask.