The Tyranny of Coming Out

11 Oct

Sarah:

Originally posted back in May, this seems a propos on National Coming Out Day.

Originally posted on Rainbow Reverie:

I was recently asked via formspring whether I’d come out to my parents, and if so, how it went. The answer is both simple and complex*, but before I get to that, let me start at the beginning, with my philosophy of coming out in general.

In brief, I think coming out is a necessary evil. In not-so-brief, I think coming out is a tyrannical byproduct of a ruling-by-exception culture of sexuality. We need to reevaluate our blind acceptance of the necessity of sitting down to explain romantic gender preferences to friends/family/co-workers/entitled strangers. When was the last time you saw a straight person forced to submit to a battery of questions about his or her sex life by people who claim to love him or her?

The idea that I, as a queer person, owe an explanation of my sexual preferences to anyone (be that my parents, my coworkers or…

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Birthday in the Big Apple

4 Oct

east coast

Good morning sweet peas, and happy Friday! I’m East Coast bound once again, and I’m only a little bitter about it. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that this is not news – I’m always coming or going, and mostly I do OK with all the travel. Really, I wouldn’t mind a bit, only a last-minute schedule change from The Employer has landed me in the Big City on my birthday – a day when I would so much rather be at home, having a modest piece of cake and steamy snuggly tea (read: keg party), and going birthday shopping with lovely ladyfriends. Se la vie, eh?

It’s times like these that I sit quietly and contemplate my ever-mounting pile of frequent flier miles and fantasize about Excellent Future Vacations. Which I will begin taking juuuuust as soon as I’m done with The Graduate Program. And paying for The Graduate Program. Ahem. Moving on!

Paris! London (and Manchester – I haven’t forgotten you, Silly!)! Dublin! Amsterdam! New Zealand! Israel! Moscow! Oh, the places I could go! All those miles, quietly piling up… one day, one day. One day soon!

Since I’ll be variously in meetings or on planes for the weekend and beyond, entertain me with tales of your most recent wonderful vacation, would you? Or, your favorite vacation you’ve ever taken. Or, ideas about one you’d like to take! Or, barring that, your plans for this weekend – just so long as they don’t involve meetings. Down with meetings!

Down with Tuesdays

6 Aug

Tuesdays are the worst.

Image

“Look! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s … TUESDAY!”

Sure, everyone and their favorite orange cat hates Mondays. But Tuesdays are the real threat here. No one suspects a Tuesday, which makes them all the more insidious. They’re like the sneaker wave of the workweek, the disproportionately shitty weekday that appears without warning, catching workers unawares and washing them out to Wednesday and beyond.

Here’s how I see it: Mondays are like getting punched in the face. You don’t see them coming and you have very little time to react. There’s a response delay to a Monday – by the time you’ve realized what’s happened, it’s over. You’re in shock. The pain hasn’t set in yet.

But Tuesday, oh, Tuesday. Tuesday is when you look down and realize there’s blood on your shirt and your nose is out of joint. Your jaw hurts and your head throbs and you realize you’re lying on the floor surrounded by everyone who saw Monday’s facepunch go down. Wednesday was the closest and is trying to convince you to take off work and go to the hospital, Thursday was walking by in the hallway and just stopped to make fun of you, and Friday is nowhere to be found.

Tuesday, my old nemesis. From now on, let’s all greet Tuesday with suspicion, a well-stocked supply of whiskey, and a hockey mask.

The B-Word (Pssst: It’s not Britney, it’s Bitch!)

14 Jun

Happy Friday my dear-hearts!

I have an announcement! Although I’m quite used to the commentariat calling me nasty names (not YOU, of course – you are a smart, thoughtful, well-bred and handsome individual), it’s finally official: I am A Bitch!

And by that I mean, of course, that Bitch published an article I wrote, which was described by one thoughtful fellow as “like making it to Feminist Carnegie Hall,” which is exactly what it feels like, minus the standing ovation (which would really just embarrass me anyway (not really actually, please ovate as much as you wish. No, really. OVATE, dammit!)).

ANYway, here is a link to the current issue if you want to check it out. You can read a few of the articles in that issue online, but mine’s reserved for the print-only edition. Mine is the one called “Lens Crafting—How frames change the way we read the news,” which is really a quite clever headline, don’t you think?

You must buy the issue – either print or digital for the low low price of $4.95 – if you want to read my article. Normally, I’m against this sort of self-shillery, but Bitch is a nonprofit and the content is worth it. I’ve been a subscriber for years and I read every issue cover to cover – they’re a great shop, folks, and I recommend supporting them if you can afford it, even if I weren’t published by them. If you have a burning desire to read my article but zero dollars, please send me a heartfelt message and I will consider buying you a copy for the next major holiday (such as the widely-celebrated Vodka Tuesday, for example).

In any case, that’s my Major Accomplishment of the Week (which maybe isn’t so major but it feels major so there). So in grand Weekend Open Thread tradition: What have you been up to this week? And what are your plans for the weekend? Doing anything for Pride month, hmmm? Tell me your secret plans in the comments and I’ll tell you mine! Talk amongst your brilliant selves!

Stay at Home Dads Are…

13 Jun

In response to this post, commenter politihub suggested I Google “Stay at Home Dads are…” and here are the not-wholly-unsurprising results:

SAHDs

Oftentimes results like these are wielded by people claiming that sexism doesn’t exist or that men have it worse than women. In reality, of course, the negative perceptions of men who perform traditionally-female-gendered “women’s work” are just more cogs in the patriarchy machine. Patriarchy cuts both ways, harming both men and women and especially everyone in between. That’s why The F Word (feminism, shhhh!) is important for everyone.

Reading isn’t Sexy

10 Jun

A new post over at XOJane from yours truly posits that reading is not sexy, as the bumper stickers and tote bags would have you believe. It’s just a hobby like any other, that people do, because they like it. But, as always, when gender gets mixed into the equation, somehow laydees get the sexy end of the stick. Antics ensue!

Anyway, you should go read it now! There are pictures, too!

Single parents: Male and female

6 Jun

Found on imgur, reposted here for your degustation:

Single Parents

When you search these terms, what do you find? Your results may vary, but if nothing else this serves to illustrate a very disturbing difference in the way we perceive single female parents vs. single male parents.

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