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Seven awesome things about being a grown-up

1 Aug

1. If you love ice cream, and want to eat it every day, you can. What’s more, if you get an ice cream maker, you can make your own flavors and call yourself a foodie. Your friends and family members will not stage a gluttony intervention, and instead admire your mad ice-cream making skills.

Meet my new ice cream
maker. Her name is Bertha.
She is the maker of all things
delicious.

2. Want to replace all of Tuesday’s meals with chocolate chip cookies? GO AHEAD.

3. Want to have Christmas in July? Wear your Halloween costume in April? Spend five hours in the tub? Put on a pink wig to go grocery shopping? DO IT!

4. Cold, hard cash. With which you can do whatever you want. Like, for example, buying enough ice cream and chocolate-chip cookie supplies to last throughout the apocalypse. Sure, you may have to skip paying the heating bill one month, but with all that ice cream you may have developed a cozy layer of body fat to insulate you from the cold come winter!

5. Want to stop at that cardboard box labelled “free” and pick through it until you find the PERFECT chipped coffee mug/too-small-but-oh-so-ironic-tee-shirt/audio cassette? Want to stop your car at the World’s Largest Pistachio roadside attraction? These things too, you can do!

6. Remember when you were a kid and had to ask permission before you could go anywhere? Didn’t that suck? Wasn’t it even more annoying when you had to take your brother with you everywhere? Well now you can go to a dance club all by your lonesome! And guess what else? You can stay out until 4 a.m. if you want. And then have PIE! Or a pancake.

7. “This is MY house. And in MY house, I don’t have to wear pants! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”

What are your favorite things about  being a grown-up? Although, come to think of it, most of the stuff on this list isn’t too grown up. Which is kind of the point of being a grown-up, isn’t it? You can do kids stuff with wreckless abandon. It is most definitely awesome.

This week’s unicorn award goes to…

27 Jul

Commenter john_burke100! Here is the illustrious award in all its glittery, resplendent glory:

How did this mystery commenter win this amazing, shiny, and priceless award, you may wonder! Well dear readers, john_burke100, aka rootlesscosmo, was particularly awesome in last weekend’s open comment thread, wherein I said one lucky commenter would win the illustrious award. Weren’t paying attention? That’s OK, you’ll get your chance next week. If I remember. You never know with me, I can be kind of flaky. Anyway, back to extolling this week’s winning commenter’s many virtues!

JB100 took the time, in the comment box, to provide a long list of carefully-selected movie recommendations, which I thought was pretty darn thoughtful. Also? He knew the Medford, Oregon line from Double Indemnity! JB100 also one time put an entire chocolate cake recipe in a comment! I love me some cake, so you can’t go wrong with that.

Honorable mentions go to Lydia, who is doing a really cool series on her blog, and DZDZ, who came to my defense when some crazy person from 4chan or wherever dropped in to spew hate speech. Oh how I love the internets!

Rainbows and Sweets and Weekend Open Thread

1 Jul

Happy long weekend! Since it’s Friday, it’s time for pretty pictures and open threads! Don’t worry, I’ll get to the rest of your wonderful reader requests soon, but for now I have sweets for you, the sweet. D’awww!

This week, my main accomplishment outside of work was making the world’s most colorful rainbow cake. I found a photo of a pretty rainbow layer cake online and immediately determined that I must find a reason to make it – and what better reason that Pride season and the passage of the NY equal marriage law?

I started with a little Technicolor mise en place action:

… and then through bloggie magic, turned bowls full of goo into a neatly stacked Leaning Tower of Pisa:

which became the lovely camouflaged masterpiece you see here (what are those bottles, you ask? Why, Skittles vodka, of course! What could be more appropriate for a rainbow theme?):

… and then waited stealthily for the guests to arrive. Oh! Look! It’s a peekaboo cake! How naughty:

…before dazzling them with BRIGHTLY COLORED CAKE-A-PALOOZA!

It’s the gayest cake ever! OM NOM NOM!

Through the endeavor of making this cake, I have learned but one Very Important Fact about myself, and that is this: If ever I am ever to get a tattoo, it surely must be a Very Colorful Tattoo. None of this stark black tribal stuff for me, oh no. Nor will I be sporting any pencil sketches or stippling. It’s the Care Bears and children’s breakfast cereal color palette for me, please.

Which leads us into today’s Weekend Open Thread. To get you started, today’s question is:

Do you have a tattoo? If so, where and of what, and how many? Why did you get it? What’s the story behind it? How much did it cost, and did you have to save up for it?

Birthday Blowout: Roundup

19 Oct

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that I insist my friends (really, anyone even remotely proximal) make a big deal out of my birthday. True to form, this year I kept my coworkers up to date on exactly how many days were left before the Big Day. They performed admirably, sneaking in sometime in the night to decorate my messy, messy cube with balloons…

…and a GIANT BIRTHDAY COOKIE!

No individual in particular would own up to having done the decoration deed, but I have my suspects who will be repaid in kind with embarrassingly loud and off-key birthday singing next month. To complete my breakfast of champions, Coworker A brought me my favorite type of deep-fried sugary treat, the Almighty Apple Fritter:

My Special Lady Friend sent me some Very Pretty Flowers:

… and my other Special Lady Friend (no no no, not like that) sent me some other Very Pretty Flowers:

You see that red thing on the table there? That’s chocolate. A whole bar of it. Dark. Moonstruck. INSANELY GOOD. And all mine. Chomp chomp chomp.

I also received a tree from my Pops:

 …which has been planted securely in the yard, and I hope someday will grow tall enough to provide some shelter from all the passing thugs and/or hooligans.

I left work early and arrived home to find a couple of SUPER AWESOME packages* waiting for me from Deena, who sent me a bespectacled dog card and two mix CDs** that could not have been more perfect (no, really: I have been listening to them almost as obsessively as I’ve been watching Battlestar Galactica lately):

…and Dani, who sent the ultimate care package of glittery goodness and stickery swellness:

…which I immediately put to work decorating my Lebanese-Mexican Coca-Cola full of rum:

By this time, my adorable mom had arrived after making a Lengthy and Arduous Journey Full of Dangerous Thugs to brig me a delicious homemade birthday cake, complete with sprinkles and pretty pretty candles:

Om nom nom! We scarfed it with some Extra Special Ice Cream, which apparently is difficult to get in Some Parts of This Here State:


And then, to cap off the night, I did a Very Daring Thing. I went from this:

To this:

That’s right boys and girls! I am now a hairless little freak! Or something of the sort. It’s pretty exciting. Be sure to tell me what you think of the change in the comments, lest I think you hate it with a fiery passion that knows no word-y outlet.

One would think that I would be all sugared out, right? Wrong. My capacity for sugar intake is indeed large. The next day, my mom and I undertook The Great Donut Tasting of oh-ten. We went to Heavenly:

which was populated by adorable friendly workers and very wrinkled old men drinking black coffee, and Voodoo:

…which was running refreshingly low on hipsters. We put the donuts to the test:

and determined that while the maple bars at VooDoo are indeed superior, the Cock and Balls are not cream filled, which is disappointing, not to mention false advertising:

The apple fritter taste test (yes, I had MORE apple fritters. They’re delicious, OK?) was categorically won by Heavenly. Much to our chagrin, we did not track down a single bear claw.

The week was rounded out nicely with some actual food from the Farm Cafe with one of my favorite journalism defectors and her be-Beibered ladyfriend, who were kind enough to treat me to dinner, witticisms, AND a dessert with a candle. So fiendishly clever, those two.

All in all,  pretty awesome birthday, with only minimal reminding and whining from me. OK, not so minimal, but hey. If you don’t ask for what you want, how will you get it? Am I right? Huh? HUH? AM I? Of course I am.

*Proof positive that giving strangers your mailing address over the internet is always a good idea. ALWAYS! No seriously, though, you guys rock. Of course you already knew that, right? ^_^
**You, too, can get down with your bad self by checking out the track lists.

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