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101: Progress report

19 Dec

We interrupt your regularly-scheduled sarcasm to bring you a progress report on my list of doom! Here are some things I have accomplished so far:

38. Organize one meetup per month

On Saturday I organized not one but TWO meetups. Quite the action-packed day for a misanthropic hermit such as myself. Meetup No. 1 involved me running into an old friend (this always seems to happen at meetups, who knew?) and meetup No. 2 involved regimented jello shots, rad chicks from the internet and Portland’s favorite pastime. So. Much. Fun.

80. Visit some of my blog readers in person

I met Ms. Writersays in NY last time I was there (we went to disco improv! she kept me from getting run over! a lot!) and I met a couple of cool blogular ladies at aforementioned meetup Saturday. YAY!

39. Learn to do proper makeup

Thanks to the power of YouTube, I’m fairly solid on this now, so long as I continue to have internet access. Apparently having appropriate brushes with which to apply makeup is key. I achieved a most excellent “smokey golden-y sparkly eyeball look” over the weekend of which I was most proud. However, today the eyeliner has still not worn off completely (despite a lot of remover and face wash) and I am significantly less enchanted with my newfound girly powers.

Works in progress:

92. Stay up all night, then watch the sunrise

I am less enthusiastic about sleep debt than I once was, and I keep psychotically early hours, so this one’s a challenge even when there’s a good reason to stay up all night. Further research pending. Disco naps may be involved.

37. Yarn bomb something

Here’s a picture of my first yarn-bombing knitting project (it may look like a scarf, but don’t let it fool you – it’s actually a stop-sign-pole cozy):

What happens to the rainbow stop-sign-pole cozy: Does it meet its destiny, or will it spend its days on a neck, forever ruing its cosmic missed connection? Tune in next time to find out!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Footwear as political salve

19 Oct

Domestic violence is legal in Topeka. Men hate you. Women hate you. Journalists hate you. And your neighbors probably have more pumpkins than you.

What’s a girl in the world to do in order to deal with this sorry state of affairs? Distract herself with impractical footwear, of course! I’m nothing if not sartorially aspirational, and it’s my favorite fashion season – boots, Oxfords, scarves and sweaters for everyone! I never met an Oxford I didn’t like, and I’m on a genuine mission to replenish my boot collection after the Infamous Cat Pee Incident of ’07.

So without further ado, here is some of the footwear I’ve admired this week while distracting myself from Serious Social Ills:

These are lovely. I can imagine wearing them with a nice grey, belted sweaterdress. Which is something I would probably never be confident enough to wear. But something someone a LOT cooler than I am would totally rock. Tragically, the boot “shaft” (heh. shaft.) is too big.

These, while very similar to the first boot, supposedly have an edge as sources say the 1/2” platform would make them comfier to walk in. I remain unconvinced, however, that platforms ever deserved any legitimacy as a trend. Given enough time, I may come around on the whole leggings thing, but platforms, not so much.

I love these. I want them terribly. I want to save the picture of them as my home page and screen saver. I want to cut out several pictures of them, glue them to the ends of some pencils, and put on little miniature shoe-plays. All the characters in my shoe-play would drink tea and have monocles and wear tweed jackets with elbow pads. They’d be like Giles in Buffy. Or Wesley in season five of Angel. Only, you know, shoes. Shoes that do whatever I say!

I know, I know. I just went on a rant against platforms. But these are HIDDEN platforms, darn it. Kinda. And they’d make all kinds of super-long pants wearable. And they’re beige. I need some beige shoes, ‘cuz I don’t have any. OK, I do, but they’re open-toed mules and those are only really wearable one week out of the year because it rains all other 51 weeks here.

What kinds of frivolous daydreams do you engage in when hiding from bleak reality?

Five Things I Learned in Vegas

8 Jul

Since it’s almost the weekend, how about some life lessons from the partyingest city in the Western US? Yes, I went there. Of my own free will. It’s true! I have proof. Since I’m a paragon of virtue and all, I thought you could benefit from some Tips For Vegas (from me):

5. Bingo and Blackjack are fun.
4. Slot machines are boring
3. $20 drinks are worth it…
2. …but free jagerbombs are better
1. Hookers and blow are harder to get than you’d think.

That’s all folks! What are y’all doing this weekend?

Weekend Open Thread

17 Jun

Since I’m too lazy to write anything today, it’s open thread and animal pictures time! In honor of spring FINALLY getting off the ground here in the Pacific Northwest (just in time for the official start of summer), here’s a delightful picture of an adorable turtle eating a delicious strawberry:

On a related note, check out this old dude:

There’s a story on this tortoise, who is called Lonesome George, here. He’s the last of his kind, the poor bugger. I want to cuddle him to pieces. But not literally, that would be wrong. And am I the only person who can’t hear anything about the Galapagos without thinking of the eponymous Vonnegut novel?

So to all of you out there with or without turtle shells, happy Friday! Here’s an open thread for you for the weekend! Discuss whatever you want, so long as it’s not, you know, mean. Here are some topics and random questions to get you started:

-          Self-promotion: What have you written/sung/eaten/podcasted/flashmobbed about lately? Put a link in the comments and reap the glorious rewards of droves (read: 20!) people flooding your web site with unmitigated adoration. Try your hand at using the a href tag to make it pretty!

-          You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing s/he is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?

-          What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

-          Pitches: Want me to write about something, or answer a question, or interview your grandma in order to make her internet-famous? Leave a comment and I’ll probably do it. Unless it’s, you know, mean. Or creepy. Or costs money. If there are cookies involved, all the better.

-         What are you doing this weekend?

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