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Heartbreaker, listmaker

22 Apr

Imported from MySpace blog

Things of which I am irrationally afraid:

- Zombies. I hate ‘em, they freak me out.
- Malls: creepy temples of capitalism. They also have no windows, what’s up with that?
- Escalators: they’re in malls, and almost unavoidable. Beastly machines, probably partially responsible for the epidemic of heart disease among fat, smelly U.S. citizens
- Dying horribly on the freeway. Although, I may not so much be irrationally afraid of this as I am fascinated by how it would work.

Foods I really don’t like:

-Marshmallows
-Barbecue sauce
-Coconut
-Spicy things, like pepperoncinis
-Borscht

Foods that are yummy:

-Cheese. Cheese may be my favorite food. Cheese should not go with crackers. Cheese can go with almost anything else, including but not limited to vanilla ice cream. That’s right, ice cream. Dairy products are so very good, despite their inherent evilness. Perhaps it is the evil that makes them good. Hmm…

You know what else comes from cheese?

Cheesecake. Cheesecake is also quite tasty. That weird goopy crap they put on the top that pretends to be berries, though, is not. That stuff may be more evil than cheese, and in a way that just makes my cheesecake feel violated, not garnished. I know because I asked my cheesecake once. My cheesecake has to go to therapy now because of that stuff. My cheesecake has trouble having normal, loving relationships with other cheesecakes now. And who is punishing the goop? No one, I tell you, no one. It’s a sorry state of affairs when desserts can get away with such shenanigans.

Also I really like bananas. They’re portable, yellow, and go well with cottage cheese. A banana is a self-contained unit, much like a grenade but tastier.

Things that annoy me:

- People that ask me if I’m cold. Why? Because if I were cold, I’d put on a jacket. I’m not homeless and own many jackets, so I don’t know why people feel like they need to ask me this. Most likely they’re trying to make me feel bad for inflicting my cleavage upon them. Unfortunately for them, it just makes me grouchy.

-Long sleeves. Unless they’re part of a jacket or sweater, where they belong. Long sleeves have no place on shirts or dresses. Ridiculous, if you ask me.

- People who think they know everything. They don’t. This should be apparent to them, but it isn’t (apparently).

- Evangelists

- People who are easily offended

- People who tell me to watch my mouth. These people need to grow up.

Things that make me smile:

- Old people holding hands. Regular people holding hands.
- Genuinely nice people
- Kittens. I don’t care what anyone says, kittens are cute and fuzzy and I like them.
- Dead baby jokes
- Andrea
- Summer
- Sunrises
- Looking down on stuff from somewhere up high, like mountains or a bridge
- Really good coffee really early in the morning right before I go somewhere really cool
- Road trips
- Colorful wigs

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