Archive | bodily fluid justice RSS feed for this section

Vaginas are the center of the world!

20 Jul

Continuing on yesterday’s theme of terrifying advertisements, today I bring you more douchebaggery (no, literally!) via the new Summer’s Eve ad campaign:

I had no idea vaginas had babies ALL BY THEMSELVES! Amazing, I say, simply incredible! Also? Douching is pretty much the opposite of taking care of your “cradle of civilization.” No self-respecting medical professional would ever recommend anyone do such a weird-ass thing to their privates.

Buuuut in a strictly academic sense, at least they’re taking a new approach to helping women get uterine and yeast infections. Just try cradling a civilization after a bout with pelvic inflammatory disease! I dare ya.

Video via Feministe and Adrants.

Poop with purchase

24 Nov

Yesterday, while scrabbling over a small mountain of displaced concrete, hands stuffed into ski gloves, stuffed into pockets, walking toward the mini mart on a mission for gummi worms, a gruff man whose gaze I was trying to avoid stepped into my path.

“Hey, want a toilet?” he asked, pointing toward a cracked porcelain heap lying crumpled in a muddy, grassless yard.

The desire for gummi worms,
like The Force, is strong in this one.

“No thanks,” I replied, attempting to navigate around him.

“What about this kitchen sink?” he tried. “It’s high-quality.” He made a sweeping, Vanna White gesture in the direction of another pile of porcelain, complete with a rainbow of mineral stains: brown iron puddles, streaks of bright green copper, and what’s that poking up from the drain? A tuft of someone’s … hair?

“It’s free!” he beamed.

This overall-wearing salesman was clearly not to be dissuaded with a simple no.

“Maybe I’ll pick it up on my way back,” I lied, and maneuvered successfully around him.

I secured the gummy worms, stuffed half of them in my face, and carefully plotted a new route home that would take me far from Free Toilet Guy. On my way back, much to my dismay, what did I see but this:

What, if any, lesson is to be learned from this? The only thing I can think of is:

All ye who need toilets, kitchen sinks, and possibly on a good day, bathtubs, get thee to my neighborhood posthaste, as there is no dearth of crappers free for the taking.

Classic Adventures

7 Sep

Bored? Explore the Adventures Archives this week for fun and profit!

Adventures in Pee
From 2006, when I could still drink things called “Foo Foos” with a straight face.

Easily Distracted
Even back in 2007, before I learned about StumbleUpon, Twitter, and iPhones, I was a terrible single-tasker.

Breedin’ is what branded me, to some readers with below-average reading comprehension, as a hater of children and their parents. Which I am not. I just don’t groove on the smug superiority that’s the primary facet of the cult of parenthood.

The Tropical Isles of Wherever, is a somewhat coherent rant against the well-traveled, faux-bohemian Millenials among us.

Soundtrack of my Love Life
A glorious explanation of the zeniths and nadirs of my music collection, chronologically arranged by lov-ahs. 2009.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 55 other followers