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Biology is destiny

1 Jun


I went out to coffee with a beautiful lady friend of mine and her adorable bundle of squirming offspring, and the weirdest thing happened: I was ordering food and coffee and giving instructions as to bagel toppings, and handing over a credit card and doing all the stuff that you do when you’re at a coffeeshop counter. Everything was going according to plan, but… it seemed I was invisible.

The barista was totally incapable of acknowledging my existence. She didn’t look at me or even hand me the receipt to sign. She kept talking to/about the baby, and even pushed my credit card and the receipt toward my friend, who was holding the baby. I pointedly pulled the receipt toward me, trying to catch her eye, but she obliviously continued to push the pen toward Hesid (lovely lady) and Ophelia (wondrous offspring). I did the same with the pen (pointedly pulling it toward me, its rightful owner), but the barista obliviously handed the card back in Hesid and Ophelia’s general direction.

“WTF?” I thought to myself. “Perhaps this a case of that weird thing girls do to other girls to make them feel all small so they can somehow feel superior.” I would usually assume that, since the coffee girl was pretty, and it seems like that behavior comes primarily from pretty girls with self-esteem issues, but I think this time it had something to do with the baby.

The baby cute-factor overpowered the barista’s ability to do her job correctly. What’s more, it made me dislike her intensely. I like babies and all, but I’m a person too! A person who is ordering things and signing receipts and providing tips! I briefly considered not tipping her, but remembered I was at my favorite coffeeshop and didn’t want to fall into the bad graces of an almighty barista. In retrospect, though, she likely wouldn’t have even noticed a shoddy or nonexistant tip.

I discussed it later with Hesid, and she said that she could easily walk down the street covered in blood and holding a knife, and as long as she had her daughter with her, no one would notice her, because they’d be too busy cooing at her child. She also said as Ophelia gets older, people’s fascination with her seems to wane.

Weird animalistic behavior here, man. People are so biology-driven it freaks me out sometimes. Actually, pretty much all of the time. Am I the only person who notices these weird things? I hope not.

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