20 Ways In Which I’m not a Grown-Up

15 Jun

Since I’m turning 30 soon, it’s a good time to revisit the many, many (many) ways in which I am not in any way “An Adult.” Tell me yours in the comments!

Mature adults do not generally wear sparkly eye patches out to bars for no good reason. (Pff, like you need a reason to be a pirate!)

  1. I sometimes replace an entire day of meals with cookies.
  2. If I ever find myself with a large-ish wad of cash, I wander around the house, cash in hand, yelling “Who wants to dance for me?! I want to make it rain! Dance for me, minions! DANCE!”
  3. I wear contacts, but don’t carry solution. The space in my purse that could have solution instead has leftover gum wrappers, three pairs of defunct iPhone headphones, a calling card from ten years ago, an empty prescription bottle, and various types of identification the government recommends you don’t carry with you.
  4. I have a mobile mini-bar. (It could be argued that this belongs on The Ways in which I am an Adult list.)
  5. I still think getting 6 or fewer hours of sleep per night is a perfectly acceptable way to Get More Done.
  6. I think diet rock star is delicious. This is probably related to No. 5.
  7. Novelty candy-infused alcohol amuses me.
  8. I force people to make a big deal out of my birthday.
  9. I once replaced dinner with four martinis. OK, more than once.
  10. I own several pairs of impractical shoes
  11. I refuse to purchase one of those douchebaggy bluetooth things, even though my favorite time to talk on the phone is while driving.
  12. I forget about produce I have in the fridge, until it spoils.
  13. It takes me an inordinate amount of time to get around to making doctor’s appointments.
  14. I think a trip on a Green Tortoise bus would be deeply entertaining.
  15. I play sophomoric party games.
  16. I cannot perform amortization calculations accurately, even when presented with a handy chart.
  17. I am a terrible single-tasker.
  18. I feel it is entirely reasonable to blow huge wads of cash on theme parties.
  19. I think dead baby jokes are funny. I know they’re not, but they totally are.
  20. My filing cabinet is very disorganized. And contains craft supplies.

In what ways are you still a kid/teenager/generally irresponsible?

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13 Responses to “20 Ways In Which I’m not a Grown-Up”

  1. Pon Keen June 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

    Yesterday I ate an entire ‘share’ size bag of skittles. I did not share them with anybody.

    Also, I enjoy cartoons. A lot.

  2. Lydia June 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

    I love this post!

    I’m still a kid in that I:

    - consider dressing up for special occasions a mildly unpleasant chore.

    - hate wearing a bra!

    - still see fantastical creatures when I stare at the clouds.

    - eat dessert first. :D

  3. Ashlee June 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    I cannot at the moment cleverly think of ways I know for sure I’m not an adult. But your list is more than sufficient.

  4. SWBVR June 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    Today I didn’t eat anything, ‘cept a pastry at ’bout midday, I was very very busy today. I drank some beer though, there are calories in beer, which leads me to wonder if it’s possible to just keep going on beer. Never fear, I’m now in bed with a pizza I grabbed on the way home. It has sweetcorn on it, which is one of my five a day. It’s 330am, and technically tomorrow … But at least I’m eating. I’m going to stop typing now … Jeeeeez.

  5. Hattie June 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

    I would be more irresponsible if I had the strength. Most people of my age find me strangely childish and overenthusiastic, especially about electronic gadgets. That’s the best I can do

  6. Colin June 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm #

    I don’t clean my room. Like, ever.
    I rarely clean at all, really.
    I don’t keep in touch with people.
    I’m often late for work (don’t tell them!)
    I post comments to my friends’ blogs while I’m at work

    I’m sure there are more, but I choose to ignore them. That’s probably another one right there.

    • Sarah June 15, 2012 at 6:13 pm #

      Commenting on friends’ blogs is totally a form of keeping in touch. Plus, with the advent of Twitter, keeping in touch is easier ‘n’ ever.

      Ewww dirty room.

  7. Deena June 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

    Doesn’t this just make you a grown-up who does some things that are kind of silly/ ridiculous? Hmmm.

    • Sarah June 15, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

      Silly, sure. Ridiculous, not really. That’s kind of a put-down, isn’t it?

      • Deena June 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

        Sorry, didn’t mean it that way!

        • Sarah June 15, 2012 at 8:01 pm #

          Oh good! There is just so much room for (mis)interpretation on this gol-danged Internet these days. Not that that’s really much different from any other form of communication, though, I suppose. Regardless, thanks for following the blog over to its new home. It’s not very functional yet but I hope it will get better as I get techier!

  8. dogsmycopilot July 8, 2012 at 3:22 am #

    I had to work on coming up with something for this. I was old when I was young, and was always the “adult” in my fam. But….. I came up with 1) I watch Looney Tunes as often as possible and 2) I still do flips (front and backwards) and handstands in the pool.

    • Sarah July 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

      Oh man, I could never figure out how to do flips/handstands in the pool. I think I lost the ability to do that when I started needing glasses at 10, and so became wary of not being able to see underwater. WHO KNOWS, there could be killer manatees under there! :)

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