Domestic violence is legal in Topeka. Men hate you. Women hate you. Journalists hate you. And your neighbors probably have more pumpkins than you.
What’s a girl in the world to do in order to deal with this sorry state of affairs? Distract herself with impractical footwear, of course! I’m nothing if not sartorially aspirational, and it’s my favorite fashion season – boots, Oxfords, scarves and sweaters for everyone! I never met an Oxford I didn’t like, and I’m on a genuine mission to replenish my boot collection after the Infamous Cat Pee Incident of ’07.
So without further ado, here is some of the footwear I’ve admired this week while distracting myself from Serious Social Ills:
These are lovely. I can imagine wearing them with a nice grey, belted sweaterdress. Which is something I would probably never be confident enough to wear. But something someone a LOT cooler than I am would totally rock. Tragically, the boot “shaft” (heh. shaft.) is too big.
These, while very similar to the first boot, supposedly have an edge as sources say the 1/2” platform would make them comfier to walk in. I remain unconvinced, however, that platforms ever deserved any legitimacy as a trend. Given enough time, I may come around on the whole leggings thing, but platforms, not so much.
I love these. I want them terribly. I want to save the picture of them as my home page and screen saver. I want to cut out several pictures of them, glue them to the ends of some pencils, and put on little miniature shoe-plays. All the characters in my shoe-play would drink tea and have monocles and wear tweed jackets with elbow pads. They’d be like Giles in Buffy. Or Wesley in season five of Angel. Only, you know, shoes. Shoes that do whatever I say!
I know, I know. I just went on a rant against platforms. But these are HIDDEN platforms, darn it. Kinda. And they’d make all kinds of super-long pants wearable. And they’re beige. I need some beige shoes, ‘cuz I don’t have any. OK, I do, but they’re open-toed mules and those are only really wearable one week out of the year because it rains all other 51 weeks here.
I really like the third one. I'm an oxford, brogue kinda girl
we are cosmically connected … today I have been having exactly the same conversation in my mind. I am wearing boots and leggings and a dress today. I think this is OK, leggings pass as thick tights and are more comfy. Aaanyway, today, while out in the blustery cold, having a cigarette, watching the feet of the fashionable students pass me by, I made a mental shopping list of boots I would like to own before winter is done with. I love chunky stompy boots with fur and heels this season. I also quite like pairing cute little dainty skirts with boots that look as though they have steel toe caps in them. It's all about contrast. Oh, i'm excited for boots all over again, for the second time today. Yeah! PS … i heart those ones too, not so much for making little shoe plays with, but to wear on my feet, perhaps with a pair of woolly red tights, for extra CLASH! (Note: Clash should appear in your mind much the same as 'POW!' or 'BOOM!' would, in a batman strip
Those ones slay me, inasmuch as shoes can slay a person. Also, these: http://tinyurl.com/3khocx3 Not usually a bootie person (heh. bootie. (honestly I have the sense of humor of a seventh grader.)), but I really like 'em.
Oh oh oh! It just so happens I HAVE a pair of woolly red tights! Well technically they're leg-warmers, which I should not have purchased, as really now what IS the use of such things, other than to prance around ones' house wearing spanky pants when it is no longer spanky pant season? That, and for filming 80s workout montages set to hair metal songs. Anyway! I love me some boots, but egads if I didn't watch myself, I'd blow an entire paycheck on footwear every fall.My main beef with leggings is that I simply haven't the thighs for such things. It's no fair that waifs get to decide what's fashionable – although leggings under a skirt or tunic could work for me, I suppose, provided there was full bottom-half camouflage…
Ever seen the 1946 Bogart-Bacall movie "The Big Sleep"? No? See it right away. I mention it because I think those brown mid-heels might be what Dorothy Malone has on just before, as Pauline Kael said, she "seduces the hero in what must be record time." (If you get them, you might want to look around for nylons with seams down the back to complete the look.)On another subject: download those iTunes tracks, they're good.
Today must be a day made for daydreaming! I myself spent most of my time in class today having a fantasy which, for me, consist of meeting celebrities. Today it was John Barrowman… a great way to totally lose track of what's going on around me. I also get distracted by thinking about clothing I'd love to own. Speaking of which, I LOVE shoe pair #3. There's definitely a Giles from Buffy vibe to them.
John, it just so happens I own a pair of stockings aka nylons with seams! They're white, though, and wouldn't go, and after I wore them with no shoes they've got giant holes in the toes. In the Big Sleep – does Dorothy have the laces, too??Vampire Hunter: What, oh what, was John Barrowman up to in your daydream? He plays a most excellent villain in a season of Desperate Housewives. Not that I watch that show or anything. Ahem. Move along, nothing to see here… Anyway, I picture shoes No. 3 being worn with some tweed, definitely, and while hanging about being intellectual in a library somewhere.And, and late response to Ms. Sillywrong: What kind o' boots you have on today? The steel toe variety or the chunky furry variety or some third variety?
I don't think we get a look at Dorothy's shoes (a phrase I can't type without thinking of ruby slippers.) She does the conventional Instantaneous Transformation–lets down her hair (one hairpin and presto!), takes off her glasses, and immediately goes from prim and bookish to glamorous. Here's an idea: during WW2 when nylons were just about impossible to buy (parachutes) some women would carefully draw lines down the back of their legs with a pen to simulate the seam.
WANT BROWN SHOES.
Ooh, John Barrowman playing a villain? I just might have to look into that… Basically in my fantasy, Barrowman shows up, chats and offers me a part in the TV show Torchwood. The part naturally has a make-out scene with Barrowman. But you didn't hear me say that
Lastly, those shoes would be right at home in a library with some tweed or tartan. Definitely an "I'm badass, but I'm clever" vibe to them.
Dear everyone: It seems you all must've gone out and bought the brown shoes, because it seems they've sold out as they're no longer listed on the Frye site. Phew! Now I needn't hem and/or haw about the merits of spending obscene amounts of money on shoes I don't need.
John: I believe the first time I saw that schtick was in the movie "She's All That." Egads, that movie was terrible. I imagine The Big Sleep is much better. And you know, I've seen women around that have stocking seam TATTOOS. I think it's part of the whole 1940s-goth-punk-hipster-vintage resurgence thing. Which I appreciate, because it allows me to wear crinoline in mixed company.Vampire Hunter: I hear good things about Torchwood. Haven't watched it though, is it on one of those expensive channels? Also! Desperate Housewives is like terrible brain-rotting candy for the first oh, say, five seasons or so. Then Darla from the Buffyverse (and from Dexter) come on the scene, and shit gets awesome (though it still rots the brain). Although, I'm not sure HOW awesome yet, as I only watch it when I'm away from home so no one can judge me.
Stocking seam tattoos–of course, why didn't I think of that? Seriously, watch that movie. Netflix has it if you're a subscriber (not available to stream) and Amazon has it for rent for $3 or for sale for $10. I think it's worth the ten-spot. William Faulkner (of all people) worked on the screenplay, which is outrageously entertaining, whether on his account or not I can't say. I like film noir in general but wisecracking film noir–Chinatown, Double Indemnity, Body Heat–has a special place in my heart. Sample Big Sleep exchange: Norris (the eccentric millionaire's butler, after Bogart observes that he seems to be prying): "Are you trying to tell me my duties, sir?" Bogart: "No, just having fun trying to figure out what they are."
Torchwood I think is on one of the BBC channels and possibly be on Starz in America? I'm not really sure, my roommate and I just watch it online from some magical website called Sidereel because we don't have cable anyway. Darla from Buffy in Desperate Housewives? Now I really will have to check it out, even if it does rot my brain.
Uh oh. Does Twisty know about this? I think this might be even worse than lipstick. Shhhh. Could get you banned.