Sophomore year of college. Upstairs apartment. Blue carpet. Slatted blinds. Beanbag chairs and grandstanding:
“Oh my god that is totally such an unexpected thing for you to say. I mean, it’s just a really good insight. You know, smart-sounding. You sound smart. And profound. And it just took me by surprise, you know? Because you just don’t come off as that kind of person. I mean, you’re just normally not that way. Smart I mean.”
Last summer, over lunch and $12 cocktails. Outdoor seating. Heat and heavy traffic:
“Ohmigod I love your sunglasses! They’re so cute and pink. I totally have a pair just like them. Except mine are Ray-Bans. I mean, those are cute and all too. No yeah they’re cute. I mean I think they’re a little crooked though. Oh wait no I think that’s your face! Ha! Anyway, where did you get them? Target or something? Oh I hate going there. I mean, everything is just so… sweatshoppy and cheap. Actually I’ve never been there. It’s kind of like, this moral stand I’m taking. Anyway those are super-cute from far away. I mean up-close they’re scratched but for Target sunglasses they’re totes adorbs.”
Senior year of college, standing on my front porch overlooking the city. Late-night fluorescence:
“It’s totally weird how you study. I mean, I just don’t understand it. Like, when I was in college I did mountains of cocaine. I know, I know. But I still graduated at the top of my class! It just was never that hard for me. Like it is for you. No. Yeah. No. No, I just mean… You know what I mean, right? Hahahaha! I totally just don’t get it.”
… this post inspired by the book “The Underminer: The Best Friend that Casually Destroys Your Life.”
I think I have maybe had that exact conversation about sunglasses. This post made me laugh really hard!
Ray-Bans inspire all manner of sunglass snobbery, it would seem! I always somehow end up sitting on my sunglasses and squashing them into oblivion, so the only sorts I'm allowed to have come from Target and dollar-store spinning displays. =)
Ok, very few things that are painful IRL become funny when written, but this is one. I feel inspired to do my own.
Thanks! So much of what is or should be painful becomes funny if given enough time and distance, or when aired on the intertoobz.
Totes adorbes this post. Totes adorbes "totes adorbes"
Isn't it a glorious phrase? I learned it from one of my non-mean friends. ^_^