- I am fiercely loyal: I demand an extremely high level of loyalty from my friends, and I reciprocate in kind. If you need someone to, say, testify in court on your behalf, or help you hide a body, I’m your girl.
- I will send you things in the mail: If you live far away, I will write you letters. By hand. And then put them in envelopes with sealing wax and mail them to you. I will burn you carefully considered mix CDs and send those in the mail, too. I might also send you weird things like leaves, bookmarks, and glitter.
- I will be there for you: Need someone to help you move? Need someone to talk you through a bad trip or a suicide attempt? My phone is always on, I don’t mind drunk dials and I will respond to your 2 a.m. texts.
- I am an extremely good listener: Need to vent about your SO? Your job? Have a heartbreak or unrequited love that you need to discuss? At length? Over the course of, say, five years? I’m all ears. If you want advice, I’m ready with answers. If you don’t, I’m good at shutting up.
- I will give you a ride: Don’t have a car? That’s OK. I will pick you up from your hovel and drive you to the coffee shop so we can have mochas and discuss whatever it is we’re going to discuss.
- I love parties. I will throw them for you. I will harass your other friends until every last one of them shows up. I will surprise you with them. I will come to yours, and come early to help you set up. I will be your safety guest when you invite your boss to a party. I will (probably) not get drunk and embarrass you. Much.
- I will fight your battles: People in your life giving you sass? They better reco’nize your
authori-tay, or they’ll have me to contend with. I am deeply offended by injustice, particularly when it affects people I care about – so when you need to sue that slumlord, I’ll do everything I can to bring the offender to justice. - I don’t judge: Cheating on your boyfriend? Got a teensy coke habit? Four payments behind on your mortgage? It’s cool, I still love you. Even if you’re doing something I don’t agree with, like voting Republican, I can still understand your side of the story and empathize.
- I will remember you: Did you meet me ten years ago? Think I won’t remember you if you send me an email, friend me on The Facebooks, or follow me on Twitter? Think again. I remember everything about you – your middle name, your quirks and your weird obsessions.
- I will make you look good by comparison: I get laugh too loudly and eat too many cookies, I “drop it” at dance clubs, I ask ridiculously forward questions of people I’ve just met, and I’m an unapologetic snob. These things bring fringe benefits to the people around me. You will learn. Oh, you will learn.
Related: Top 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Friends With Me
Alright missy, How come I have NEVER gotten anything from you in the mail? You didn't come to my last party and you probably don't even remember my middle name! Oh well, I still consider you a friend.
Have a great weekend S.B.
OK, Anonymous, I'll address those questions in order:1. Do I have your address? I can't send you anything if I don't have it!2. What party? Did you remember to invite me? And do you live near me? It's hard for me to travel long distances to go to parties.3. I can neither confirm nor deny my knowledge of your middle name, since you have no first or lasat name.4. I will have a good weekend, thanks! You too, anonyfriend! Do you… work with me? Clues, please!
That's a very good list–you're setting yourself a high standard, but (another thing friends do) it's OK if you don't live up to it every single time.What people my age need–besides conviviality and no-questions-asked emergency support–is reliability in times of sickness. I remember everybody that came to visit me when I had part of a lung removed in 2004, which is to say that I also remember everybody that didn't. The second group are good folk, I haven't crossed them off some imaginary list; it's just that now I know something about my friends that I didn't know before. A hard way to gain understanding, but what choice do we have?
Keeping friends can certainly be a battle. I've been through my own hard times – although not surgery yet, but that will come in time – and struggled with not resenting those who weren't as "there" for me as I'd hoped. My tendency is to the ignoble route – crossing them off my imaginary list. It's part of that whole loyalty bit, and it isn't always a good thing.But to paraphrase what you said — live and learn. It's better to take the new knowledge into consideration and adjust your expectations than walk away.
Ok, I was pretty sure I liked you before this list, but now I'm sure that you are awesome (and your list of 10 reasons we don't want to be your friend only adds to the awesomeness of you). *smooch*Dani from another, Sarah-less Portland
Dani! You make me smile the giantest smile ever! Thank you so much for your kind words. And: Do you live in Portland, Maine? If so, we live 3191 miles apart. PS – Raise your hand if you want a mix CD or some glitter in the mail. ^_^
I sent you a Twitter DM so we can swap glitter and confetti from Oregon to TEXAS. 2,236 miles.
I'm glad you still consider Republicans friends.. was wondering there for awhile..
Wow, I want to be your friend! Incidentally, that's my favorite kind of pen. It also comes in pink, purple, and teal.
I have known you for many years and have never received anything in the mail. I want a refund!
Hullo! I'm a first time visitor to your blog, which I stubled upon, and all I can say is, has anyone ever told you you're awesome? You're awesome. :3
Why thank you Andrew! I'm glad you think so, and I'm glad you like the ol' bloggie.
Comments like yours make me happy!!