Conforming to the lady-dress code is tough. Those of you who know me or have followed my bloggery for a while know that I find that walking the sartorial line of acceptability is both fascinating and infuriating. I’ve been subjected to a host of judgments based on my clothing choices, from lectures on the inadmissibility of tank tops in the workplace to unsolicited advice on how to “spice up” my wardrobe. How on earth a single human being can wear clothes that are both slutty and boring at the same time is beyond me, but so it goes.
What we sartorially clueless ladies really need is a handy reference book with diagrams showing where one’s hemlines, necklines, and otherlines must fall in order to achieve that perfect balance of “professional-yet-feminine, hip-yet-approachable.” Show too much cleavage/leg/midriff/body-part-of-the-minute, and you’re a slut. Not enough, you’re a prude.*
So for all my fellow clueless boot-wearin’ brethren, I made this handy chart** you can use in the morning when you oh-so-carefully pick out your footwear. After all, you wouldn’t want to send the wrong message, would you?
*Stay tuned for future drawings laying out sleeve length, hemline and neckline requirements.
**Height recommendations and corresponding perceptions subject to change without notice.