Conforming to the lady-dress code is tough. Those of you who know me or have followed my bloggery for a while know that I find that walking the sartorial line of acceptability is both fascinating and infuriating. I’ve been subjected to a host of judgments based on my clothing choices, from lectures on the inadmissibility of tank tops in the workplace to unsolicited advice on how to “spice up” my wardrobe. How on earth a single human being can wear clothes that are both slutty and boring at the same time is beyond me, but so it goes.
What we sartorially clueless ladies really need is a handy reference book with diagrams showing where one’s hemlines, necklines, and otherlines must fall in order to achieve that perfect balance of “professional-yet-feminine, hip-yet-approachable.” Show too much cleavage/leg/midriff/body-part-of-the-minute, and you’re a slut. Not enough, you’re a prude.*
So for all my fellow clueless boot-wearin’ brethren, I made this handy chart** you can use in the morning when you oh-so-carefully pick out your footwear. After all, you wouldn’t want to send the wrong message, would you?
*Stay tuned for future drawings laying out sleeve length, hemline and neckline requirements.
**Height recommendations and corresponding perceptions subject to change without notice.
ha ha.. I so fit into the married mom category.. I do need to find better quality shoes though. My feet are always hurting..
"Wiccan" made me laugh.
Uh oh… apparently I'm wiccan..
LOL! Love this! And if you have none on, you must be pregnant, right?
And in the kitchen!
the strip club near-ish my house has a sign advertising 50% off clothing and, specifically, footwear for exotic dancers. i wonder if they have ridiculously tall boots.
Probably tall in the shaft (hee hee) and also tall in the heel. Personally, I got my dominatrix boots as a birthday gift via a hippie store in Ashland, my stripper boots from Goodwill, my slut boots from Amazon, my hipster boots from the Buffalo Exchange, and my Wiccan boots from a consignment store for troubled teens. ^_^